The Five For June 29, 2019

Welcome to the debut of "The Five" Presented by Bobproof. Let’s get right to it.  

1. Melissa Hayden – my friend and colleague who has a rare genetic condition and has endured 12 brain surgeries and three spinal fusions – had an absolutely epic honeymoon. Melissa and Matt recently returned from cruising and traveling through Alaska.

They watched wales, hugged sled dogs, walked to waterfalls, savored the beauty of glaciers, rode a train with glass ceilings and enjoyed delicious food (which included reindeer hotdogs and some of Alaska’s famous salmon and halibut).

The highlight of the non-cruise portion was Denali National Park. Melissa wrote this on her Facebook page: “There are not enough words to describe the beauty in this park. It needs to be on everyone’s bucket list ASAP! We left Denali with tired feet, fresh air in our lungs, and a big bite from the travel bug. There is so much beauty to be found in this crazy world.”

Soon after she returned home, Melissa – being Melissa -- traveled from Green Bay to Chicago to spend a day with Ingrid and her family at Lurie Children’s Hospital. Melissa and Ingrid are two of only 30 people in the world with the same genetic condition and it was the first time in Melissa’s life that she was in the same room with one of them. Melissa and her mom played with Ingrid, talked with the family and then they capped the day off with deep dish pizza.

2. Wow, I have some amazing and talented colleagues (past and present). I worked for several years with Amanda ReCupido at Public Communications Inc. and she wrote this hysterical version of how the movie “When Harry Met Sally” might have played out in 2019. Her story, "Woke Harry Met Sally" was published by McSweeney’s and even was mentioned in the Sunday Long Read, a weekly compilation of the week's best journalism. One of Amanda's best lines from the piece. “A woman seated nearby orders whatever she damn pleases without worrying what anyone else thinks.”

Earlier this week, she also penned "Famous Writing Advice Updated for the Social Media Age." My five favorite lines:

·         “Substitute a GIF every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

·        “Write drunk, edit while only vaping.”

·        “Immature poets imitate; mature poets go to law school.”

·        “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold content vertical inside you.”

·        “Write what you Google.”

For more from Amanda, she is active (and funny) on Twitter and also the co-author with her husband Matt of the children's book Anthony Rizzo Is A Good Italian Boy 

You can be sure this will be the only time I will ever recommend a book having to do with the team that plays south of Miller Park.

3. Sunday’s Prince Fielder Bobblehead Day at Miller Park gives me a perfect opportunity to tell my Prince Fielder story.

I think it was the spring of 2000 and I was writing for the now defunct Boca Raton News. Pope John Paul II (PJP II), one of the schools we covered, had an away game against Prince and Florida Air Academy. It was a long ride to Melbourne, about 120 miles, but seeing The Prince in person was too good an opportunity to pass up.

I really wanted to get there for batting practice. Even though he was still in high school, Prince was something of a legend already. At age 12, he blasted an upper-deck home run at Tiger Stadium. Unfortunately, I was working on another story so I only was able to arrive a few minutes before the first pitch.

I have one dominant memory of the game. PJP II had an excellent, young pitcher who threw pretty hard. He was only a sophomore but a really big kid and I mean he looked like a shrimp compared to The Prince, who even then had to weigh at more than 250 pounds. His fastball caught way too much of the plate, and Prince hit a line-drive to center. This was anything but your average single, though. It was, to this day, partly due to an aluminum bat but mostly due to The Prince, the hardest hit ball I have ever seen live.

To my delight, Prince was drafted by my Milwaukee Brewers and would go on to have a stellar MLB career, which was cut short at age 32 by injury. But not before he belted 312 career home runs (the same number as his father) and helped the Brewers reach the postseason for the first time in more than a quarter century.

4. I have really enjoyed helping coach Liam’s baseball team this season. In Northbrook, for some reason, the teams are not given names like Brewers, Tigers, or Pirates. Instead, the name of the team is the name of the sponsor.

That means Liam has been wearing, with pride, the jersey for Hand & Stone Massage and Facial Spa. Rolls off the tongue, huh? And, of course, throw the records out the window when Hand & Stone Massage and Facial Spa faces rivals such as North Shore Pool & Spa or the good folks from AA Service Company.

5. I had some fun with the explosion in the word curate in my last blog post. For those looking for
a more scholarly, sophisticated, pretentious and far less enjoyable article (hopefully) on the topic, well, give three cheers for The New Republic. The article covers curate from every angle, dives into “prestige appropriation,” and features this paragraph: “In bestowing great importance to just picking stuff, curation in its contemporary, ecumenical sense reinforces many of the personal values promoted by neoliberalism: atomized individualism, the thrall of personalization, aestheticized control, and, of course, consumption-as-authenticity."

If you understand anything in that sentence after the words “just picking stuff,” please let this public school educated blogger know.

Blogger's Note: This inaugural edition of "The Five" Presented by Bobproof was proudly curated by Bobproof along with a talented team of curatorial consultants.

To Curate or Not to Curate

When I conjure up the image of a curator, it’s someone who analyzes a variety of French Impressionist paintings and then selects the most compelling and important ones to captivate an audience at the art museum. Someone who spent years toiling away in graduate school to earn this distinguished title.

The all-knowing and infallible Wikipedia defines curator this way: “Traditionally, a curator or keeper of a cultural heritage institution is a content specialist charged with an institution’s collections and involved with the interpretation of heritage material.”

By that traditional definition, I am anything but a curator. Sure, I am a content specialist of sorts,
but everything else about the definition screams antonym.

Apparently, I wasn’t giving myself enough credit.

Today, everyone is a curator. For example:

·        Travel no longer is planned - it is curated

·        Menus aren’t selected - they are curated.

·        Experiences aren’t researched – they are curated

What about choosing music? Building a network? Designing a wardrobe?

Curated, curated, curated.

The curator movement has even infested my former field of journalism.

For example, it’s become increasingly popular for publications – especially online – to select a number of articles they recommend and write brief descriptions of each article with a link to the full story.

How is the work attributed? You guessed it. Reporters now proudly curate lists instead of editing, selecting or compiling them.

Curate has been on my mind because I’m excited to start a weeklyish feature with a working title of, “The Five.” Essentially, five things that I’m thinking about, reading, watching or listening to. Look for that to debut soon.

But how should this work be attributed? Should these blog posts be compiled or crafted, or should I bow to the pressure, take the same liberties that so many others enjoy, engage in blatant curator inflation, and bestow upon myself the sophisticated, somewhat pretentious and wholly undeserved title of curator?

Stay tuned.

Embracing Adversity With Positivity, Optimism, Grace and Donuts -- A Q&A with Melissa Hayden

I started Bobproof because I wanted an opportunity to write about things outside of work.

Then – through work -- I met Melissa Hayden and realized it was time to make an exception.

Melissa, an accountant for HealthFitness, a Trustmark company, pairs an extraordinarily rare genetic condition with a relentlessly positive attitude that I only wish could be cloned.

She radiates optimism even though she’s been fighting for her life her entire life. Born more than two months premature, she’s endured 12 brain surgeries, three spinal fusions and a host of other issues that forced her to spend significant time in the hospital. Four of those brain surgeries came during what was supposed to be her junior year of college. For her first 24 years, she didn’t even know what her genetic condition was. Finally, in 2016, through the help of a geneticist, she learned she had FKBP14-related Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. She was only the 10^th person in the world at that time to have such a diagnosis, which was chronicled in a feature story in Reader’s Digest. 

This Q &A is a chance to learn more about Melissa’s unique outlook on life, how she overcame health challenges, why she gives back, her volunteer work, her love of donuts, and even the time she crashed a dance marathon with her soon-to-be husband Matt on her wedding day,

BP: What was it like to experience health problems without knowing the cause?

MH: It’s hard to answer this in the way you’d expect, because it has been all I’ve ever known. I grew up with chronic pain, so I just assumed everyone’s joints dislocated, and everyone had muscle and joint pain. As I grew older I recognized more that each symptom I was treating (heart issues, spine issues, joint, eye, hearing, pain issues) was due to this undiagnosed syndrome. I was always labeled as an “undiagnosed genetic mutation” which made me feel like an alien.

BP: Describe your emotions when you finally learned the cause?

MH: I gave up on my genetic doctor for a few years in my (sassy) teens, because I was tired of being poked, prodded, and “ogled” at by medical students with no answers in my favor. When I did take a chance on them again, they offered another blood test for new conditions to test for, and while I was very skeptical, I just let them go ahead and try. I left the office that day laughing that we’d get another wasted test back with no diagnosis. To my shock at my next appointment, the geneticist walked in and said, “we found it; we have a diagnosis.” It was a very surreal moment. All of a sudden I fit in a box, albeit a small box with fewer than 20 people in the world, but I finally felt like I fit in somewhere. Someone else could relate to what I was going through and feeling, and it was the best feeling.

BP: What perspective has your health challenges provided?

MH: My health has given me the biggest blessing in disguise I think, which is a unique perspective on life. I am all too aware that things can change in an instant, and so I try and truly live every day to its fullest. I don’t get as stressed about things at work, because that’s all it is. Just work, and in the big scheme of things, if an email I send isn’t perfect, or if a spreadsheet gets sent out a day later, no one is going to get hurt. Life is too short to let small things ruin your day. I make sure to pay attention to the little things: the sunrises, sunsets, take a minute to enjoy the fresh air, eat that second donut if you want it, and just try to do what makes you happy.

BP: How do you avoid or limit the time you spend thinking about potential future health challenges?

MH: I’m surprisingly good at this because life is just too short, I can’t predict the future and I can’t waste time worrying about things I cannot control. I see my doctors every year, take the medicines needed to help prolong my life, and then just let everything else go. After surgeries, usually the recovery time is harder than the day or two after when you’re in the hospital. Recovery at home can be the most frustrating when you’re still recuperating but also antsy to get back out of the house. I give myself a day to be crabby or feel sorry for myself and then that is it.

BP: Do you have a motto or philosophy of life?

MH: Today, like every day, contains at least one thing that will make you light up. If you haven’t found it yet, be on the lookout. And if you’ve found it, find another. YOLO= You Only Live Once

BP: Why did you start your Facebook Group and how meaningful has it been for you?

MH: After learning my diagnosis, I immediately went home and put out a page on Facebook, hoping that someone else was searching the name of my new found diagnosis so that I could connect with them. The diagnosis didn’t change much for me since I was so old, but it allowed me to find other families with young children, and I’ve been able to help connect them with resources and give advice to help ease their anxieties. Having support can mean all the difference when you’re struggling with health challenges.

I started the group knowing there had to be other parents out there just like my mom, searching for answers and ways to help their children with the diagnosis but coming up blank. There are only 2 research papers in the world on this condition. So I knew that if other moms needed someone to talk to, that I could be there. I have been blessed to find close to ten families and now they’re all supporting each other. Asking each other questions, sending pictures and updates as we celebrate milestones, etc. It’s been so great for everyone, and so fun for me to finally see someone else just like me, which for 26 years, I’d never met anyone like me.

BP: You are such an active volunteer. Tell us about some of your volunteer activities?  

MH: The running theme with my volunteer efforts are ways for me to give back a little of what has been given to me over the years.  My parents stayed probably close to 75 plus nights at the Ronald McDonald house when I was in the hospital. My family also gets together most years to serve a meal to all of the families staying there as a way to give back. The Children’s Miracle Network has basically given me my life, when you really think about it. Lurie Children’s Hospital in Chicago is a Children’s Miracle Network hospital, and they have saved my life time and time again. I can’t ever repay them for that, so instead I try and help other kids and families that are there, going through the hardest days of their lives. Small things can make the biggest difference to someone with a child in the hospital, as I remember myself. Receiving a new toy, having a volunteer come spend time with me in my room when I was going crazy being stuck in a room for days on end, or having a therapy dog come to visit all were things that the hospital couldn’t have given me without other volunteer efforts. I often now bring blankets, toys, or small crafts that kids can play with at the bedside to help stock Lurie’s “toy closet.” Being a Peerwise Mentor for Lurie Children’s Hospital has made the biggest difference in my life. It absolutely fills my bucket to the brim when I am able to help others, especially when they’re in a scary situation that they don’t have others to talk to about. Knowing I can help ease a mom’s fears, or help explain a scary surgery to a child to help make them understand what is happening and how they can deal with what is to come make’s it feel like some of my struggles were worth it.

BP: Open Heart Magic sounds fascinating. What can you tell us about it?

MH: Open Heart Magic also has become a part of our family, they are a nonprofit in Chicago (and now expanding to places like Michigan!) who trains magicians to do magic at the bedside for kids that couldn’t otherwise get down to the playrooms available. They first came to do magic for me during one of the worst years of my life, and the very worst hospital stay of my life. I had been in the hospital almost a month, I had almost lost my life and my family had said their goodbyes just in case, and I was SO weak after being in a coma for a few weeks. After having doctor after doctor come in to my room, it was a breath of fresh air to have someone fun walk in the door. They didn’t want to poke or prod at me, but they asked if I wanted to see some magic. For a few minutes, I forgot where I was and what I was feeling, and it was amazing. We were hooked from the first time they came, and over the years when I was in the hospital I would always look forward to their visits. I wrote them a thank you note once, and after they asked me to speak at one of their events to share my story which was so special. Years later, my mom has trained to become a magician and she is now doing magic for kids in the hospital too!

BP: On your wedding day, I hear you “crashed” a Dance Marathon in full wedding garb at your alma mater, St. Norbert College in Green Bay.

MH: When I found out the dance marathon was on our wedding day, I knew we had to go. I’m a dance marathon addict! The day began by spending time with some of the brightest lights in my life; my best friends, my mom and mother-in-law. We all had such a great fun morning, and then I got to go see my future husband where we first started dating, and we got to crash the Dance Marathon (proceeds from Dance Marathons support Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals). The Dance Marathon days were some of my very best memories from college and one of the things I am most proud of from my college years, so to be able to incorporate that into our wedding was just magical. How could you not say that it was all meant to be? After that, we got to celebrate all night with our friends and family, and it was all just perfect. I couldn’t have asked for a better day. It was filled with laughter, love, and donuts (in place of wedding cake) - what more do you need?”

BP: What are your favorite ways to relax?

MH: Matt and I are both very busy people, we hardly ever just sit on the couch for a weekend as much as we’d like to sometime. And with my health, relaxing comings in many different forms depending on the day. I LOVE to cook, so when I can, there’s nothing better than spending a Saturday making a good risotto or paella. Matt and I also love doing bigger cooking “projects” when we can. We make homemade pasta sauce every year, and it’s an entire weekend thing. We go to the farmers market and grab close to 30 pounds of tomatoes, and spend the day cleaning/peeling/cooking the tomatoes and then packaging the sauces. This year we also took on the maple syrup business, so the last few weeks have been all about sap: we tapped the trees, collect the sap, and boil it for hours and hours until we get syrup! Forty gallons of sap makes about a gallon of syrup, and it takes us a good 6-7 hours to get from sap to syrup so we’ve been getting a lot of quality time together throwing sap everywhere J There are some days that my body just doesn’t cooperate like I’d like so there are times that we work on puzzles, or read together. We also haven’t figured out the “adulting” thing yet, so the nerf guns in our house get quite a bit of use still, and there’s always the occasional night when we decide we need to blow up the tent in our living room and go “camping” just for fun. We also love visiting family, so some weekends we drive up to Michigan or down to Illinois to visit our relatives.

BP: Thanks Melissa. For more on Melissa, check out this Reader’s Digest story as well as first-person account of why she crashed a Dance Marathon on her wedding day. More information about Open Heart Magic can be found here.

A Logo Unlike Any Other

In my debut blog post, I listed Bobproof examples (the terror of opening a juice box on demand, not babyproofing the house because it would Bobproofing it) - you get the gist.

As many of you know, and as proven conclusively in high school geometry, I am a word person to the core.

Which, brings me to the latest example to add to the Bobproof list – the Masters logo.

For almost three decades now, the Masters has been appointment television for me. From Tiger’s win for the ages in 1997 to his second win for the ages Sunday (more thoughts on that next week), the Masters is the tournament I most look forward to. I’ve read books about the tournament, could tell you something about every hole on the ‘second nine’, and can easily lose myself in a Masters YouTube rabbit hole during the long winter months.

As for the Masters logo – prominent enough to be recognizable to many non-golf fans -- I never gave it too much thought. When it came across the TV or was plastered on someone’s hat, I saw what looked to me like a heavily undulated green with the pin tucked front-right (to be totally honest, I might have thought how I would attack the pin – a high, soft fade so that I wasn’t faced with a crazy-fast downhill putt).

Two years ago that all changed.

I was reading a book to my then 5-year-old son Liam that included a picture of the Masters logo. Liam – who has always enjoyed pictures and thankfully does not have my sense of direction – proceeded to tell me that the tournament was played in Georgia.

I was stunned.

How could he look at a putting green and know where the tournament was played.

So I asked him. He replied earnestly, “Daddy, the logo is a map of the United States and the flag is where Georgia is.”

What? Was I talking to a geographic savant? I asked him to explain again. This time, he just said, “Daddy,” as if why he would need to repeat something so obvious.

I looked at the logo again. Sure enough, the kid was right. It doesn’t really look like a green. In fact, in a way that is obvious to a 5-year-old, it is a map of our country.

I went online to see if anyone else was confused, but it turned out my original interpretation of the logo was a distinctly Bobproof one. In fact, according to a story in The New Republic, the logo, “is unmistakably a rendering of the continental United States.”

The article notes that the map on the logo is actually “misshapen,” but the tradition bound club has no designs on changing it – the “cartographers” outrage notwithstanding.

Even more reason why it is a logo unlike any other.

Tarik Cohen = A Mensch

Am I really going to write two consecutive blogs that involve the Chicago Bears and don’t reference this, this, this or this?

Remarkably, the answer is yes.

What could possibly take a Packers minority owner down this admittedly precipitous path?

A unique situation.

The first blog afforded the opportunity to out Mike Ditka as a valet line skipper and take a shot at his mustache but still have the class to refrain from calling him portly, and this one centers around a Bears running back by the seemingly non Gentile name of Tarik Cohen.

I doubt such a strange confluence of events will ever happen again.

As you can imagine, there was much initial hope and speculation that Cohen was Jewish. Alas, he is not.

He is, though, an eternally great sport, and several months ago he shleped to New York City to appear on the “Simms and Lefkoe Show” and go through their “Jewish Combine.” I will never know how it took me all these months to become aware of the segment. I guess I must have been distracted by this.

The three go on to kibbitz for five minutes – it’s quite the memorable shtick, certainly worth kvelling about.

The feature includes Cohen’s reaction to tasting lox (he thinks it is sushi), a pastrami and rye (he asks for cheese and mayo) and matzo ball soup (it's like chicken noodle soup).

Then the hosts ask him the meaning of three Jewish words. Surprisingly, one of the words is not mishegas but far from me to kvetch as this is hardly a tsuris.

The segment closes with Cohen receiving his personal yamaka, or as he puts it, “his fitted cap.”

Mazel Tov on a great segment. You three have some telegenic Shayna Punims.

And Tarik Cohen you are a mensch; a mensch I tell you.

Enjoy the video below.

L’Chaim.

My Ditka Story

Seeing that the Chicago Bears are in the news (something about a double doink), it seems as  

good a time as any to tell my Mike Ditka skips story.

Back in the 2000s, I covered the Chicago Rush of the Arena Football League. Although the AFL is a shadow of its former self, for many of those years the Rush drew big crowds, games were televised on NBC and celebrity owners included Ditka, Jon Bon Jovi (Philadelphia Soul) and John Elway (Colorado Crush).

I don’t recall the specific year, but the Rush had a press event at Ditka’s Restaurant in downtown Chicago. Ditka was available to media before several Rush games so this wasn’t the first time I interacted with him.

As a Milwaukee native and lifelong Packers fan living in suburban Chicago, my relationship with Ditka and Chicago sports is complicated. Over the years, I’ve largely made peace with the White Sox (they are in a different league from the Brewers) and the Blackhawks (there is no NHL hockey team in Milwaukee). The Bulls are currently something of a joke and no threat to the surging Bucks, a far cry from growing up when Michael Jordan and the Bulls seemed to always beat the Bucks.

The Cubs and the Bears, though, are a different matter. Many Cubs’ fans are insufferable (not my friends who root for the Cubs of course), and the Packers rivalry with the Bears is one of the most intense in all of sports.

So while I’m sure other reporters relished the opportunity to interview Ditka, I wished that a different celebrity owned the Rush.

Just think how different my life would be if it was Chicago’s Eddie Vedder. I could have pitched him my song lyrics for the fifth version of “The Chanukah Song”, had his people talk to Adam’s, and who knows where that would have led.

Or, if it was Glencoe’s Fred Savage of “The Wonder Years” fame. We could have swapped stories from our respective acting careers. People still talk, I’m told, about how I was the breakout star of my sixth-grade play. I apparently delivered my one line with equal parts gusto and gumbo – “Soup. All we ever eat is soup. I can’t look at soup again.”

But instead the Rush's owner had to be Ditka.

When the media availability at his restaurant ended, I went to the valet and handed him my ticket. A few minutes later Ditka talked to a valet and in no time he was driving away … while I was still waiting for my car.

An idea came to me. Sure, it was his restaurant and his city, but that made it too good not to try.

I walked up to the valet and said, “I gave you my ticket before that man with the mustache did.”

Said it simply.

Sold it with a deadpan approach that rivaled Marty Funkhouser (aka the late great Bob Einstein).

Said it like any Packer shareholder and season-ticket holder should.

The expression on the valet’s face was priceless.

My only regret? Wish I would have said, “I gave you my ticket before that portly man with the mustache did.”

Still, not sure I’ve ever been prouder.

And, after further review, I like to think – actually, I know – that Vince, Bart, Brett and Aaron are as well.

"The Chanukah Song" -- An Appreciation

Chanukah is here.

Actually, wait, tonight's the last night.

Which means I'm almost out of time to go deep on one of the seminal songs of our generation.

I am, of course, talking about Adam Sandler, who, in 1994, on Saturday Night Live, debuted his iconic "The Chanukah Song", which he later would update three times.

Many people remember where they were when The Beatles debuted on the Ed Sullivan Show. Others may vividly recall the moment they first heard their favorite musician perform live.

As for me, I sadly - and to my everlasting shame - can’t pinpoint the first time I heard "The Chanukah Song." However, I do remember the first time I was on YouTube and realized there were now three versions.

Three versions! Talk about your rabbit hole! Did I sleep that night? Did I sleep that week? What would be the over-under on amount of times I listened to parody perfection? Would Vegas even want to set a line? Really, the whole thing is a blur.

Then, in 2015, he UPDATED the song - again. With some of the funniest lyrics yet.

So, on the final day of Chanukah, let me provide a historic Public Service Announcement (PSA) by sharing all four links (in one place!) - along with three of my favorite, family-blog appropriate lines from each version.

What is appropriate for a family blog you ask? I guess you follow blog precedent and just go by the old you know it when you hear it. So that is why Lenny Kravitz, Courtney Love, Yasmine Bleeth and Mary Tyler Moore were not included. I did make an exception for a link to my bonus Larry David lyric (some salty Susie language).

With that preface, time is wasting. Step away from your menorah, and listen to each link. Stop your dreidel game and laugh, sing along, appreciate. Put those latkes down and think. Really think. Ponder if you want.

Decide what your favorite lines are. After listening, go about your day, if you can.

 Link to Part 1 -3 best family blog appropriate lines

      Paul Newman is half Jewish, Goldie Hawn’s half too.

      Put them together, what a fine ‘lookin Jew.’

      We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby. 

      Harrison Ford’s a quarter Jewish – not too shabby.

         You don’t need “Deck The Halls” or “Jingle Bell Rock”, 

      Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock – both Jewish.

Link to Part 2

             Winona Ryder drinks Manischewitz wine, 

       then spins a dreidel with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein.

       So many Jews are in the show biz, 

       Bruce Springsteen isn’t Jewish but my mother thinks he is.

           Put on your yarmulke, it’s time for Hanukkah, 

       two-time Oscar winner Dustin Hoffmanaka celebrates Chanukah.

Link to Part 3 

              Melissa Gilbert and Michael London never mix meat with dairy, 

       maybe they shoulda called that show Little Kosher House on the Prairie? 

       Houdini and David Blaine escape strait jackets with such precision, 

       but the one thing they could not get out of was their painful circumcision

       There's Lou Reed, Perry Farrel, Beck and Paula Abdul, 

       Joey Ramone invented punk rock music, but first came Hebrew school.

Link to Part 4

      We may not have a cartoon with a reindeer that can talk, 

      but we also don’t have polio thanks to Dr. Jonas Salk (smart Jew!)

      We got Scarlett Johansson, talk about a Kosher crush, 

      and if you need a higher voice to turn you on, how about Geddy Lee from Rush?

      It’s cool that Santa Claus makes Christmas so merry, 

      but we get two jolly fat guys: ice cream’s Ben & Jerry (both Jewish!)

Some Final Chanukah Song Thoughts

How is it possible that the first four versions do not include the co-creators of Seinfeld?

Does that mean a fifth version may be in the works? Doesn't it half to?

To give Adam some creative inspiration, here are two select lyrics for his consideration.
            Larry David, has a healthy respect for wood,                                                                                     And when it comes to Jewish humor, he’s pretty, prettttty, prettttty, pretttttty good.

            Paul on the Wonder Years, was a Jewish best friend who sometimes answered to Fife                  Josh Saviano is such a good actor that he’s not dorky at all, actually handsome in real life.

So, did I only provide two lyrics because that is the extent of my song-writing ability? Or do I have more lyrics at the ready and just don't want to give away the store here for free?

It's a provocative question, one for Mr. Sandler to consider.

Adam, no need to be a stranger.